How are we feeling?

This blog has evolved over time to be mostly a “travel blog” talking about places to go, and things to do and see here in Japan, and elsewhere. I have to remind myself now and then, that it was intended to be more than that. I want it to be an honest reflection of our life here in Japan. Originally meant to be here for two years, we are now headed toward completing our fourth year as expats living in Tokyo, Japan.

And… for the most part we have been very happy here. We have experienced so much in our time here, and… still… feel sad about the prospect of all of that coming to an end. (We are scheduled to return to Atlanta next year.) But, as with almost everyone, everywhere, sometimes things just feel out of whack. Sometimes you just don’t feel happy about where you are and what you are doing. No… there is really nothing wrong. Just sometimes life makes you feel a bit “out of sorts.” And I am feeling that way right now. I promise not to wallow in it too much. I trust that things will smooth out and be better soon! But for now, I will just list some of the things that CAN make expat life (particularly for a non-working spouse expat) feel difficult at times.

• Weather. Every place has its weather issues… good weather, bad weather. We are nearing the end of summer here in Tokyo, and in general, that means it is sweltering hot, and incredibly humid. Actually the weather here is very similar to the weather we have in Atlanta, with fewer thunderstorms, and higher humidity. And I guess it is that awful humidity that is the big difference. I cannot go out the door right now without breaking into a sweat. I soak through my clothes, and my skin feels sticky. I wear black or white most of the time because it shows the sweat least. We walk a lot since we don’t have a car. It is a full kilometer to the nearest train station, so even when we take the train, we get sweaty walking to the station. Today it is cloudy and cooler, but the humidity is still high because it has been on and off raining all day. So… this leads to:

• Isolation. When the weather is so hot and sticky, I just don’t feel much like going out. We like to walk, and we look forward to walking and exploring this city. We take our cameras and go on photo walks to discover new places. It is our usual weekend past time. But when it so hot and humid it can get pretty miserable, pretty fast. I kind of feel like I have been cooped up way too much lately. I need to get out… I want to get out!

• Isolation Part 2. I am in a foreign country where I don’t speak very much of the language. I am learning, but still… I am far from having an easy conversation. Also… the Japanese people (as wonderfully kind and respectful as they truly are!) tend to keep to themselves. It is difficult to actually strike up a conversation with anyone. It is difficult — even for them — to make friends. Some say the Japanese are a shy culture. I don’t really think it is so much shyness, as politeness and respect. They try not to interfere in other people’s business. On the trains, by and large, the only people talking are the foreign tourists! Everyone else is sitting/standing quietly with their headphones in, looking at their cell phones.

• Isolation Part 3. I am not saying it is impossible to make friends here, but it is difficult. There is a really nice lady who works at the grocery store where I shop. She is about my age, and she always speaks to me (in Japanese… *sigh*) and smiles at me. We communicate, despite our language differences. I look forward to this interaction! She speaks to me, and I try my best to speak back to her in Japanese. I understand more of the language than I am comfortable speaking. But it is something!

• Long work hours/travel. For my spouse, that is. My husband loves his job here… and I LOVE that he loves his job here. It has been such a positive experience for him. But lately… things have been piling up, and of course, stressful things come up at work, or a big project brings extra responsibilities, or he has to travel more than usual. He works for an international company, so he deals with people in several time zones. To do a video conference or any kind of phone call or meeting takes major time coordination, and usually he gets the late night call time because that works best for everyone else. I don’t usually mind too much, but lately there have been a lot of evening meetings. And last weekend because of a work-related problem, he had to work both Saturday and part of Sunday. So… for me, that is more time alone.

Actually… I pride myself that I have the right personality for this kind of life. I am a person who really enjoys — and requires, actually — a good bit of “alone time.” But lately it has been even more than I like. lol.

This weekend he has to leave on an unexpected business trip, and when he gets back, he has to leave two days later for another trip — longer, he will be gone a full two weeks — that has been scheduled for months. I will take those two weeks to go home to the US to visit with family. All in all, we will be away from each other for nearly three weeks. Ok, Ok… couples do that all the time, and I will try not to be a wimp about it. After all, I won’t be alone, I will be busy visiting people… people I can actually easily converse with! Ok. One last thing for the list…

• Worrying. Sometimes I tend to get mired in worrying. Worried about things going on with our family at home, worrying about our house, and having to deal with maintenance and repair issues from 6000 miles away. And… not the least worry… worrying about this horrendous political situation in the US. Not to go too deep into the politics, watching all of that from afar is alarming… and stressful, and horribly sad. Especially seeing the news through the eyes of the rest of the world. And I worry what it will be like when we have to return to all that turmoil.

So, these are the things on my mind right now that are maybe making me feel less than happy. But it is Ok… Things will hopefully look better tomorrow. Thanks for letting me vent.